What Will Come of it All

So I remember how excited I was for college to start. And college is pretty amazing. Good thing I'm secretly dying.

Not a day goes by that I'm not running late somewhere. Or that I'm forgetting something. Or that I'm starving and full all at the same time (I still can't figure out why that is!). Or that I'm basically starting over at zero. I'm the biggest bundle of walking nerves.

Am I supposed to feel like I fail at life? Because,

1) I feel like my Biology book is waaaaaay over my head.

2) Half of the time I say stupid things and people look at me like wtf? And then I remember, oh yeah, these people don't know my jokes yet...oops.

3) Orchestra is...really hard. Really, really hard.

4) When I play my viola I'm pretty sure I've already done enough damage to my wrists that I'll be enjoying extreme cases of carpal tunnel in my adult years, as well as the fact that at my private lesson I discovered I've been holding my instrument wrong for...8 years. Cool!

5) Writing, which I so dearly loved in highschool, is not at all the way it was in highschool. Its more work and less fun, and much more critical. And now I've found out my whole life that what I thought was good writing is, "Too stylistic." Well shoot me down and call me Joe, sorry I have a personality I'll try to contain it from now on.

6) I'm a cool person until people ask me what dorm I'm in, and I tell them I live at home, and then they say, "Oh man that sucks," and I usually don't see them after that.

7) Something went wrong in my internal clock and I slept through my alarm and was late to work for the first time, by two hours. And felt like an idiot. And then got written up like some kind of criminal!

8) Two mating flies landed on me when I was doing my homework underneath a tree. And I sat there for a second thinking two things: dang, I wish I were those flies, and what has come of my life, serious wtf get off!

If only happiness was easy to achieve. I will forever and always envy the hippies. There's a kind of love I want. Where will I find it? If ever? What do I deserve?

What good will come of all this madness. As long as I don't go mad, I believe I may be happy.